So there we were, covered in blood, and we find that the room we’ve entered contains a few magical pools, each shimmering with a different light, each rather an appropriate size for bathing.

Splug: Anyone want to jump in the pool?
Neil: FUCK YEAH!!

Both promptly jumped into pools – Splug into Blue and Neil into the yellow. Splug drank from the blue pool a little after jumping in, whereas Neil peed into the yellow pool a little before. Neil felt a little ill. Well, worse than you might feel from drinking your own diluted urine at least. Someone had fortuitiously deduced that the green pool imparts a resistance to poison so Neil climbed out and jumped in the green pool instead.

Splug was very excited and for some reason dove into the slightly-urine-flavored yellow pool so as to make a detailed search of the bottom. So he claimed, although it didn’t sound like a very good reason on pretty much any level.
Later it occurred to me that some of what was to follow may be explained by the ingestion of unmetabolized hallucinogens from our Bard friend’s pee. But I’m getting ahead of things and using big words. Since the fate of these journals has in the past included eternal consignment to nether regions when our paper runs out, I should be brief.

I didn’t like the looks of the pool and I’m getting almost used to being covered in drying blood so I passed. it was just as well. It’s not like in the next room we were to have high-tea with Lord Markelhay’s auntie or anything.

We journeyed on, and saw in a hallway what was clearly the bloodstained track left by our friend the giant rolling boulder. Fitz tried to convince Distress to step into the rut and see if the boulder appeared. When askance looks and raised eyebrows perhaps challenged his paladin-ness, he offered “It’s for the greater good!!”

We had a number of doors to choose from and we picked a pair of double doors, which opened to give us a hot blast of damp air. That lovely introduction gave way to a dimly lit and dank cavern containing a number of writhing pink pillars. Yes, they’re definitely writhing. And wet-looking, and made of… body parts? eyes and moving arms and bits and pieces of deeply uncomfortable bodies. There is a mournful howl from an embedded mouth. it looked like the work of someone demonic with entirely too much time on their hands. The shrieking in my head contained perhaps a grudging note of admiration.

Never one for wasting time, Neil tries to taunt the pillar : “I’ve seen better towers of flesh in pornos”, but it has no effect. Well that’s if you don’t count the fact that the pillars started to poop zombies (I cant describe it any other way. You had to be there. But you’re glad you weren’t so no more backtalk. They pooped zombies). Pooped zombies gave way to considerably larger pooped demons, very red and with very sharp teeth, long claws.

The enemies closed with us quickly and attacked Distress and Splug. Actually two attacked Splug but both missed, and we heard the first of many delighted shrieks of “Goblin Tactics!!” as Splug executed his little series of dodges and attacks, shifting away, putting little scratches into the demons in so doing.
Klajdu’s axe made its introduction by spilling a staggering amount of blood from a demon with one strike, which gave a nice reflective moment for all of us, on the utter pointlessness of bathing. It is anyway far simpler to set the dirtiest things you can see on fire, which I did. Neil was also quite sensible, in that he created a consecrated zone around one of the pillars and demons.
Splug however was not what we would call “sensible”. He seemed to be broken suddenly. More so. I think he is still. But he took off. He charged towards the murk at the back of the cavern, from which quickly emerged periodic yells, chirped shrieks of “GOBLIN TACTICS!!” and perhaps a terrified squeak or two. Whatever it was, it was big big trouble. What we found later from him after the dust and dead bodies settled a bit, was that he’d run back way behind enemy lines, unsupported, seen the Bell on an altar, picked it up and run with it trying to ring it along the way. Good plan. I think his first moment of doubt was in finding that the bell was huge, covered in spikes on the handle, and that it had no clapper. Second moment was when a clapper appeared in it and rang, summoned a huge demon right next to him, activated a blinding uncontrollable rage in Splug’s very own mind, as well as in Carn’s across the room and in pretty much all the demons. Oh and I think it summoned more demons, and the pillars started teleporting everyone around. If you were lucky. If you were not, then the pillars would do generally painful and certainly unwanted things. I’m probably forgetting something else awesome that happened right then. But for good reason because the single most disturbing cry came right then from Splug way at the back of the cavern. “THIS IS BETTER THAN HUFFING THE PISS CAPE!!!!”
Which utterance produced a crystal clear and certain apprehension of our own impending and painful deaths. Or at least for me.

Splug apparently turned to identify the brimstone-wreathed demon, shrieking “The Raven Queen has taught me all about demons…..” but when the brimstone cleared and this demon was unfamiliar to him, he had to add lamely “… although probably not about that one”.

Cue lots of teleportation, bardic powerchords, Distress being generally in distress about the perilous situations she can get herself into, Fitz and Klajdu being teleported around from pillar to pillar, Carn calling out brilliant tactical openings in enemy defenses, there was carnage. And carnage demons even. We didn’t scrimp on carnage you see.

Fast forward through the carnage to when Splug tried to ring the bell again only to find now the clapper had gone again. I remarked although I think only Neil heard – “Funny – back in Fallcrest it usually takes a lot longer to get rid of the clapper”.

That terrible pun was the foreshadowing, or perhaps as I worry, the cause by which things went from bad to worse. Splug was broken, you’ll recall me saying. he returned to us from the other side of the room and this was not a good thing because he began attacking us, or anything really. I think it was because he equipped the sword we picked up recently. He’s just a big bag of good ideas today.

Distress: “Splug has been one big bucket of fail”

Chaos and carnage continued, a bit amplified. It was odd, but I think part of Splug tried to use his little arsenal of weird tricks to NOT damage us.

In short, it was a terrible terrible mess.

Splug: I got the bell!
Distress: So far your master plan has been… awesome.

Presumably trying to reassert a sense of the normal, we looted and sifted through the severed limbs and demonic organmeats and unholy altar trappings to find items of interest. Neil found a loose stone near the altar, and once Klajdu had lifted it up, there was a Bracers of Defense thereunder.

Shazia, indicating pillars to Neil “You know, oddly these walls are actually made of meat.”

Neil took a demon eyeball, and Shazia extracted a demon tooth. There is no end to the normal of which we are capable.

Splug offered some expression of anticipation about turning the demon eyeballs or organs into Spicy Demon Sausage, to which Distress said wisely:
Distress: “Ah, a spicy demon sausage party”

and I’ll leave you with this:

Splug: All that’s left is to find the book and kill the dragon.
Klajdu: There is dragon??!!!?